The 12 zodiac signs as lottery players — who's most likely to blow it?

Horoscopes meet Powerball. Let's be real; if the stars can supposedly determine your love life, personality, and why Mercury ruins everything twice a year, then surely they can predict what kind of lottery winner you'd be. Spoiler: Some of you will vanish into the sunset, others will end up broke, and explaining it was “a spiritual lesson.”

Let's dig into how each zodiac sign would react to hitting the jackpot, from the fire sign impulse spenders to the emotionally tortured water signs who swear it's “not about the money.”

Aries (March 21 - April 19)

For any Aries, they don't just buy lottery tickets. They buy them in large quantities, then show them around like a motivational speaker, and maintain that they won by pure willpower. Even if their chances were 1 in 292 million, they have most likely told five people, "I knew I was going to win."

Prepare yourself for a crazy journey if an Aries strikes it rich. They will have impulsive automobile purchases, weekend trips to Vegas, and a botched tequila brand launch. Retirement? For dull people only.

They spend more money, live faster, and discover the meaning of "taxes" the hard way. For roughly five minutes, they might make an effort to act responsibly. After that, there are private jets, jet skis, and an NFT jet.

Likelihood to blow it all: 10/10, but they'll look amazing doing it.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

After winning the lottery, Taurus hires an interior decorator and a financial advisor right away. Their credo is "they're not interested if they can't soak in it, sip wine in it, or lie on it."

These are the steady winners who transform a Powerball prize into a Mediterranean-style kitchen and generational wealth. Anticipate monogrammed robes, a second home in the country, and subscriptions to artisanal cheese.

It should come as no surprise that they spent $75,000 building the most extravagant walk-in closet ever seen, complete with gold-accented hangers.

Likelihood to blow it all: 2/10, unless you count buying 12 scented candles a week as “blowing it.”

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

Geminis never purchase tickets by themselves. Along with three cousins, a yoga instructor, coworkers, and a barista named Alonzo, they are in a group lottery pool.

There will be anarchy if they win. They are ghosted by half of the gang. According to one man, he used his "energy" to choose the numbers.

A lone Gemini who wins launches five new endeavors: a YouTube channel, a podcast, a nonprofit, an NFT, and a botched attempt to purchase a minor league baseball team. After six months, they moved to Bali and became bored. They will attempt to make it into a Scratch to Rich documentary series.

Likelihood to blow it all: 8/10, but at least the memoir will be good.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

Except for their mother, Cancers keep their victory a secret. Well, maybe they will tell their cat also. They then spend 36 hours crying over it since they don't know if they "deserve" the money.

Even if they pay off everyone's student loans and make an anonymous donation to the animal shelter, they will still feel guilty about spending money on that deck makeover. They will secretly spend six figures on a koi pond in their garden that is named after their ex-partners.

They probably still apologize for winning while secretly purchasing ergonomic seats for the entire office and funding a children's theatre.

Likelihood to blow it all: 4/10, unless emotions take over. Then it's a GoFundMe and a nervous breakdown.

Leo (July 23 - August 22)

You will know when a Leo wins the lottery. Not only are they showing up wearing sunglasses to accept their winnings, but you'll also see confetti cannons, an entourage of people, and a viral TikTok dance about how they are the prize.

You can expect to see some high-end labels, big contributions, and a few surprise reality TV appearances. They will throw a party so big that it makes the Met Gala look like a potluck. Immediately after their party, they will post “stay humble” messages on Instagram.

A Leo will also find a way to “accidentally” show off a fancy watch in every photo they take. If you ask them how much the watch costs, they will reply, “Oh, I no longer look at prices.”

Likelihood to blow it all: 7/10, as fame comes first, finances later.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)

If anyone is prepared for the aftermath of a lottery win, it would be Virgos, who seem to have been prepared for this moment their entire lives. Virgos already had their “if I win” binder in place, and it was even color-coded.

They just won the lottery, what's next? They schedule a consultation with three certified public accountants. Virgos then start investing in a variety of assets and purchase an espresso-brewing robot vacuum.

No showy moves. No dogs that are encrusted in diamonds. Just impact-measuring charitable donations, efficient financial management, and maybe a donation to upgrade the public library's Wi-Fi.

If they do happen to lose it all, it's not because of anything they did, but because the global economy collapsed, which they would have seen coming.

Likelihood to blow it all: 1/10, but they'll be quietly annoyed at everyone who does.

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Libras are very open-minded. If they do get a lottery win under their belt, it will benefit their parents, siblings, closest friends, and the barista who complemented their scarf.

Libras always want to please everyone, so they may end up saying “yes” too many times.

You will spend weeks deciding on which vacation home to buy. Once you make that decision, a spectacular dinner party will be held. You will tip the staff $10,000 over what you should “because the vibes were right.”

After the lottery win, you can expect Libras to buy nice clothing, do an Instagram makeover, and have a slight nervous breakdown when you realize money cannot cure their indecision.

Likelihood to blow it all: 6/10, but it depends on how many friends ask for a loan and how cute the yachts are.

Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)

Scorpio walks up to work as if nothing had occurred, despite winning $300 million. They remain silent. Initially, they don't change anything. They are building a luxurious bunker, purchasing land in the desert, and creating offshore accounts in secret.

Scorpios had already vanished to a secret island called "You'll Never Know" by the time anyone had any suspicions. They simply smirk and respond, "Oh, that?," when questioned later. Simply effective budgeting.

Years later, you'll find them with a Tuscany vineyard and dual citizenship under a different name.

Likelihood to blow it all: 3/10, as they're too strategic, or paranoid, or possibly both.

Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)

Sagittarius wins and immediately books a one-way ticket to “anywhere but here.” They'll go on a spiritual retreat in Nepal, spend six figures on a camel racing sponsorship, and start a vlog called “Lottery Nomads.”

They might forget to pay taxes. They might blow half the winnings in Ibiza. But they'll have stories — and a full sleeve of tattoos — by the time they're done.

And when it's all gone, they'll just shrug, laugh, and say, “But wasn't it amazing?”

Likelihood to blow it all: 9/10, as freedom costs money, baby.

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

At the end of the fiscal year, Capricorn turns $10 million into $100 million. Their lottery jackpot is treated like the foundation of an empire.

Within 24 hours, a business plan is due, and each family member must sign an NDA requesting "just a little." As they subtly take over three industries, you'll hear terms like "tax strategy," "vertical integration," and "synergize."

Even after becoming millionaires, they are the kind that, just in case, continue to purchase generic cereal.

Likelihood to blow it all: 0/10, they might make you pay them interest just for asking how they're doing.

Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)

After winning the jackpot, Aquarius starts a nonprofit organization to give underprivileged communities solar-powered skateboards. They then launch an artist cryptocurrency and then discuss how "currency is just a concept" in a TED Talk.

They donate to causes that no one else has even heard of while living in a geodesic dome. They wind up using their Powerball riches to discuss their plan to eliminate capitalism in a Reddit thread.

No new car for an Aquarius, but you can expect a hyperloop prototype made of hemp and hope.

Likelihood to blow it all: 8/10, but they'll say, “It was never about the money, man.”

Pisces (February 19 - March 20)

After securing the lottery win and releasing your tears of joy, they will then call all of their friends and declare, “This win changes everything.”

What's their first big purchase? Oh, just a recording studio that they will never use, in addition to a grand piano and a retreat in the woods.

They are generously sharing their money, which includes shady people with “business ideas” involving NFTs and goats. A Pisces may eventually just isolate themselves altogether, or they could go full Van Gogh with a paintbrush and a questionable haircut.

While they might blow all of their money, they will be so nice about it that you'll feel bad saying anything to them.

Likelihood to blow it all: 7/10, as they will be blissfully unaware until the bank account's at zero.

Bonus Rankings

If you're still unsure who's most likely to be a responsible winner versus a viral cautionary tale, here's a quick ranking.

Most likely to blow it all:

1. Aries – They will speed run to broke status.
2. Sagittarius – They will have a plane ticket in one hand and champagne in the other.
3. Gemini – Multitasking their way into financial chaos.

Most likely to play it safe (and rich):

1. Capricorn – Ruthless in the best way.
2. Virgo – Budget queen/king.
3. Taurus – Slow, steady, and in cashmere socks.

As far as some other bonus rankings, Scorpios are most likely to disappear and never be heard from again after a lottery win. No doubt about it, this is hands down Scorpios, and they're probably already gone.

Leos are most likely to go viral. They will be sponsored by Gucci before you even finish reading this sentence.

Aquarius is most likely to say, “It's about energy, not money.” Hey, they may even be right about this one, but they're still broke now.

Final thoughts: Should you consult your chart before playing?

Sure, your sun sign won't increase your odds of winning the lottery. But knowing who you are, especially when $100 million is dropped into your lap, might help you not end up on a reality show called Lotto Losers: Where Are They Now?

Whether you're a detail-oriented Virgo with a 10-year financial plan or a spontaneous Aries buying everyone jet skis, just remember that the universe gives, and the IRS takes.

Play smart. Or don't. Just make sure you're the fun cautionary tale.

Enjoy playing the lottery, and please remember to play responsibly.